The Lord's Time

Waiting. It's not my favorite thing to do. I tend to want help now. I'm learning though. The Lord is patient with me. I have to learn to be patient with His timing. Easier said than done.

Eight years ago, Marshall came in to my family. Well, let's back up a little more. Nearly 10 years ago, my dreams came true when I married my best friend. I had been married before, but had decided divorce was the only option. When Nate was barely 3 years old, I divorced his Dad. Up until that time, I thought dealing with the death of my Mother was the hardest thing I had been through. After all, I was only 18 yrs old at the time, and I really needed her around. I would not fully realize how much I needed her until much later. Nate has always been a pretty easy going kid. Sure, he has ADHD and was challenging to parent at times (especially when I was a single parent), but really he was pretty easy. I thought I had been given enough trials. I felt like Mom's death and a divorce made me immune, if you will, to any more trials. I was wrong.

Marshall came into this world 7 weeks premature. Patience. There's that word again. That was a scary time. The emergency Cesarean Section delivery that brought him into this world left me flat on my back and in a lot of pain. Pain from the incision and pain from not knowing if my newborn baby would be OK. He did not get to come home for another 3 weeks. The Lord was aware of my struggles and of Marshall's too. He watched over my baby boy, and physically Marshall was (is) fine. He grew fairly on track, but there was always something different about him from the get-go. He was fussier than Nate, not easily soothed, and unlike Nate, was not at all comforted by swinging. In fact, he would cry more if we put him in the swing UNLESS, I swaddled him tightly first. Then he could swing and be happy.

As he got older and started to get to the age where he could crawl, he never got into the cabinets the way Nate did when he was that age. Marshall would open and close the doors over and over. Just open and close, open and close, and never pull anything out. I thought there was something different about this child. It wasn't just the cabinet doors that was different. He wouldn't even attempt to speak at first. He didn't talk late, just later than his brother had. He would sign though. Unless he was frustrated. Then he would just get angry and bang his head repeatedly. To say I was concerned would be an understatement. I was worried. That certainly couldn't be normal. I took him to the Pediatrician and expressed my concerns. He told me, "Don't let him bang his head." Uh...it's not quite that easy.

Sleep was never something we got much of when Marshall was younger. He just couldn't sleep. Literally. We video taped him once. He would sleep for roughly 20 minutes, then he was up and moving around. He wasn't crying, he was just awake, and keeping the rest of us awake too. Certainly THAT wasn't normal. Again, in desperation, I went to the Pediatrician and begged for help. He told me that preemies are strong willed. We just have to be stronger than they are. Needless to say, after that, I changed Pediatricians. The next Pediatrician referred us to a Pediatric Sleep Specialist who immediately ordered a sleep study. The results: Severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea. The recommendation: Tonsillectomy and Adenoidectomy as soon as possible. He was in surgery the following week. It was risky for a child who was not quite two, but the doctor felt like it was a life or death situation. His oxygen levels were dropping so low when he slept that she felt the risk of him dying in his sleep was greater than the risk of a surgery on a child so young. The surgery went well, and his sleep slowly did improve. Unfortunately, his ability to deal with frustration did not.

The next few years were so difficult. We tried to get someone to help us with Marshall's behaviors. We were desperately searching for someone who knew what to do about his anger and defiance. We worried, we prayed, we fasted, and we cried a lot. We knew we needed to get him diagnosed in order to get any help at all. It was hard to do though. Asperger's is hard to diagnose at all, but from what we were told, it's even harder when they are younger (and when your insurance is Medicaid).

When Marshall was about 5 years old, we took him in for yet another set of tests. By now we were very familiar with tests like CARS and Vineland II. We had filled them out for early intervention preschool, for Licensed Social Workers, for the School District...you get the picture. This time, after our initial discussion (before even doing any testing), the doctor told us he was 99.9% sure Marshall had Asperger's Syndrome. We were SHOCKED. For years we had felt that he had Asperger's, but we were always told we were wrong. Well, this time we were right. All of a sudden, we wondered if we really wanted to be right. We had to accept that our child had a neurological disorder. We have come to grips with it. We try to treat him just like we treat his brother.

We thought we had made such a huge breakthrough! After all, we had just found a doctor who actually believed us. We were quite sad to hear that he only diagnosis and doesn't treat the children at all. What good is a diagnosis if you still don't have help?

Fast forward 3 more frustrating, challenging, wonderful years. Now we live in a different state where insurance companies are required to pay for Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA, a behavior therapy). We have a Psychiatrist who manages his behavior, but we are apprehensive about all the meds he has put Marshall on. The Psychiatrist told us that medication will not take care of all the behaviors so we will need to take him to a Behavior Therapist who specializes in ABA. Yesterday was finally our first visit there. It was SO AWESOME!!! Marshall and I met with 2 doctors and a Behavior Therapist at the clinic. We sat and talked about what we've been through, and what they would like to accomplish with him, as well as how they would do it. They want to work with him on frustration tolerance, brushing teeth, getting dressed in a timely manner, turn taking in conversation, asking others a question, eye contact, playing with others, and the list goes on. It is everything I have ever wanted to find for him! I'm  concerned we won't be able to afford it, but we will just do whatever we have to do in order to keep going. This is the answer. The Lord is saying, "It's time now."