How Are You?

When people ask, "How are you?" Do you give the standard, "Fine" answer? Do people really care or want to know how you are? Well, since this is my blog, I'm going to write how I REALLY am. I'm not fine. Guess what? I had a really awful day. My Dad tells me he's worried that I'm being too pessimistic. He wants me to enjoy my children while they are young so I won't have regrets when they are grown and gone. I think he has a point but I can not beat myself up about not enjoying my kids right now. I am frustrated! I'm worn out! I shouldn't be..I just had 1 night and a day without them but I am.

Today started with Marshall crying from his room. He came in to see me (I was checking the weather on my computer for Nate) and seemed upset but refused to talk. He just grunts at me in the mornings. I get to play this lovely guessing game called "What does Marshall want?" Does he want to eat? Nooo. Why would he want to eat?? Why would he be hungry? He wants to play and he thinks I should sit down and play with him right then and there!! When I don't, he starts throwing a fit, which I completely ignore. I'm sooooo good at ignoring fits. I think I'm downright awesome at it! Scripture study was it's usual difficult time. It was a constant battle to keep Marshall quiet and sitting in one area. The battles and crying and extreme meltdowns over every. little. thing. were exhausting. I had to force him to get in his calming down chair 3 times. One time I locked myself in my room to avoid getting hit.

We had an appointment with a Grad Student at BYU majoring in Neuropsychiatric. We were going to get a Neuropsych eval but now we're just not sure. What's the point, we wonder? We've had several people do the ADOS (Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule) and we don't feel like forking out about $1,000 to have more tests done so we can have more people say they don't know what's wrong. Why diagnose him anyway? What will it do for us, for him? Will it change how we treat him? No. Not at all. Will it change the services we get for him? I doubt it. The guy today told us that if you look at the big picture, Marshall seems to be on the Autism Spectrum. Yeah, that's what WE have been telling doctors for a while now. Is it worth $1,000 on the off chance we might get someone who FINALLY can see what we can see? Maybe it is. I just don't know. If I felt like we were going to get a good evaluation and we had a chance to get taken seriously, I might consider it. It all depends on if Marshall decides to be charming that day or not. I could make him really angry that day before the test (insert evil grin here). All I know is I've had a really bad day and I'm glad my darling little boy is asleep. Sleep well Marshall-man! This is your last night of being 3 yrs old!!!